| BOOTY POPPIN |
[16 Dec 2009|08:46am] |
The Secret is ... Love. I wrote about the booty pop jeans earlier in another blog..well now they've got another angle.. It's called "The Brazilian Secret" .. Sorry to tell you but if you've EVER seen a Brazilian woman from the back you KNOW these underwear are NOT their secret. It's laughable that these padded draws are considering themselves anything close to glory of a natural healthy woman's posterior. Wanna know the real Brazilian secret ? GOOD GENES. (No pun intended.) Give it up.. If you have no booty, just accept your fate. And to the woman proud that her husband can't tell her butt is fake... HE KNOWS. He's tried to grab WAY before you bought those and when his hands didn't grip anything he gave up. He's humoring you at best.
How big of a send off would it be to meet a woman at a club, peeping her assests and get home to find out she was wearing padded draws. Considering make up already hides a lot of women's natural beauty and padded bras tell us their top heavy when they aren't, we really don't need one more invention to lie to us. How'd you feel if I walked around with a Boris Kujo or Brad Pitt mask on all day and charmed you till we got home and took it off to reveal I really look like Kevin Kostner or Flavor Flav. Not fun ? Not fair. Not Right. JUST STOP.
Accept who you are and join me in laughing at the ridiculousness that is..padded draws. Just say no. PLEASE.
Horrible.
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| I used to be a Rapper |
[15 Dec 2009|08:15am] |
I used to rap like 2 or 3 years ago... I used to LOVE live shows even if they made me so nervous that I wanted to throw up. I would always pray before them. I admit that I would rather be a rapper than a graphic designer sometimes. But I would also like to be a husband and father more than I'd like to be a rapper. Not saying that isn't possible, but considering most artists make their real money on the road touring, I wouldn't be the kind of father and husband I want to be.
Even with all that, when my friends release these studio quality mixtapes (Blake & Charlie Hustle) it really makes me want to start rapping again. I could just call up Nate and record an album over the course of a few weeks, but why spend all that time and energy if I'm not going to do anything with it? Sure it's a great parlor trick to make friends and get girls really fast, but when you don't really care about all that anymore it's quite useless.
When you meet me the last thing you'd think is I had flows. At my old job "Career Builder" I rapped at the company talent show and literally overnight EVERYONE loved and knew me. (And I won.) I had been at that company for 5 months at that point, known as the quiet guy that drew on his business cards and after that show I was everyone's friend, women that never talked to me were hugging me, guys that walked past me were high fiving me and inviting me to parties after work.
One girl on my team was like, "wow, i thought you were going to go up there and be a giant joke because your so L7 (square) but that was actually dope."...and that's when I realized underestimation is my super power. I'm not really the best at anything, except doing something better or differently than you expected.
I still might call Nate and lay down a couple of tracks and try to make the worlds most popular ring tone.
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| I GAVE BLOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME... |
[10 Dec 2009|01:18pm] |
TODAY !
And it wasn't even that bad. The nurse said I MIGHT have problems because I had more muscle than vein. In other words, my muscles cover up what little veins I did have that they can draw from. I had nothing on the left but she was able to find a small one on the right.
After teasing me about being new she started drawing the blood but it wasn't flowing and took an extra 10 minutes than normal to come out. In the midst of drawing my vein collapsed and then my nurse brought it back.
After that we kept talking so I wouldn't look at that HUGE needle in my arm... and turns out she's a year younger than me and her birthday is tomorrow. She asked me if I wanted to go out with her and her friends... in Wisconsin. I had to decline saying i was hanging out with my girl that day.
... But how come I never got holla'd at by cute nurses when I was single ?
....and how come lately all the girls that come it me like that have kids ? Ha. Thats the second one this month... I like kids and all but why now ? This would of been great like 3 years ago.
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| Web Designers thoughts... |
[10 Dec 2009|07:54am] |
Oh my gosh..
It worked.
My design.
It worked ! It's just like the mock up... almost.
Why does it look different in firefox than it does in Safari ?
The spacing is GREAT in Safari but the spaceship is a little too close to my cartoon head in firefox... WHY? Dare I download chrome and see what happens ? And I don't even want to think about IE 6. Why the eff would anyone that would want to hire me use that ? ....bad question small businesses that don't know any better definitely would still be on ie6. uGh.
*views design in IE6*
CRAP !
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| TRAFF ICK ! |
[09 Dec 2009|03:13pm] |
Hammer my foot to the floor with a hammer gun.
UGH.. So tonight is that big Chicago snow storm and OF COURSE my boss asks me to stay until 5, because he has to leave at 3 because he chipped his tooth and needs to go the dentist. I'm literally going be in traffic for hours.
I stopped taking the express way when Daylights savings time switched over and it started getting dark at 5. I take the streets now which on average is always faster. I typically get home in 40 -45 minutes guaranteed, during the worst kind of rush hour maybe an hour.
However this might be worst than the worst.. UGH.
What sucks more is whatever I experience right now will be a luxury compared to when I move back home, because my commute will extend from 40 miles a day to almost 68 miles.
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| LET ME BANG. |
[07 Dec 2009|08:37am] |
So last night my friend was pursuing this girl who’s number he got 3 weeks ago. He started texting her last night and sent me the play by play and it was pretty hilarious. She talked about how her and her other friend made cookies all weekend.... and he was trying to find out if she was a freak. So he lured her into an ambiguous conversation that could of been about either cookies or sex. It was pretty creative. I can’t wait to send naughty texts after I’m married. I’m going to start coming up with good ambiguous lines now.... “ Wood morning, babe.”
Speaking of that, I’m starting to work on a baby makin cd for our honey moon. I asked Danielle for suggestions and she said anything R&B and this one faith hill song. So far I’ve been finding that about 35% of this album will be R. Kelly songs. If not more if that Zodiac album comes out before May. Some cuts from last weeks, “Untitled” album have already made the list.... Like Echo, Bangin the Headboard, and for a little variety be my #2. (Which is hilariously about his mistress..and how she can’t ever be his #1 but he’ll still smash.) Oh R. Kelly, your so messed up and yet all we do is laugh and buy your cam corder- *Ahem* albums.
T.M.I. ...You've been Warned
( Read more... )
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